I woke up this morning after a nice long sleep. I can't tell you how amazingly clear headed and focused I am. I've been doing better at work and feel like I'm making better relationships with the staff. I'm sleeping wonderfully (though my dreams are becoming intensely real again), I'm waking up and only needing a cup of coffee and I then I'm ready to go! I'm feeling more and more productive and not overwhelmed. I registered for classes, paid some bills, ate some great food. Made some extremely positive life choices and changes. I feel more in tuned with my spiritual side and just feel more aware of my actions and how they truly represent me as a person.
This feeling I'm feeling is the feeling I look forward to ever time I end my self-destructive cycle that I do to myself when I subconsciously destroy perfection. I strive to be perfect so much and I strive to have complete enlightenment, but when I feel that I've been trucking along in the right direction for too long, I crush it and have an all out war with my body and mind and personally relationships. I'm an addict. And when I can't have meth or coke or whiskey, I have to be addicted to feelings and moments. I think it's good I realize this. It is the first step to healing and practicing to live a life without any chains, whether they be drugs or moments in time.
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