I just wanted to say that I'm aware of my withdraw from friends in the social scene. I'm aware of the distance I've had with people whom I've considered close friends. I'm aware that when I go out I never fully have the connections that i could have with people. I'm aware that at times its hard to see who I am beneath cloud of obliteration that I present to you. I know I can be a monster and I know I can be a lover. I'm aware of the distance that my dear friends put on me because they don't know what kind of friend I will be for them today. I'm aware that no one feels they really know who I am because it feels like I'm always putting on a show for someone and acting a part. I know these things. I'm aware.
I'm not going to say I'm sorry because words are useless without actually seeing that they are trying. I'm not admitting anything to you in this blog, but I'm not denying anything either. If you have fun with me then lets continue having fun and trust that I'm fully aware of my actions. I'm not asking for sympathy or help. I'm asking for understanding that I'm trying and evolving and learning about myself more and more everyday. There's a sense of security in rebuilding for me. There is a internal feeling of joy that I have when I destroy everything around me and rebuild it. I'm not at a rock bottom place with things I've abused in the past and I'm not even in a place where I'm putting my tail between my legs and asking for forgiveness, please don't think that. I'm simply putting myself in check so I can prevent the past from happening again. Everyone is grown and doing their own things in life and I love seeing that and I hope you enjoy seeing my progress too. I'm evolving into something new and I'm about to show you what I have morphed into. I'm a lover of all and I am I'm still learning to love myself. I am an artist and my muses may be different. I may only be saying to myself and no one else, but in the long run we are our own life changers.
I'm aware.
No comments:
Post a Comment