Press Release for Queer Quistmas

On Monday, Dec 20th, Mississippi Studios/Bar Bar and the "Original Queer Night" will present the holiday seasons most highly anticipated event, The 4th annual Queer Quistmas Variety Show hosted by "Portland's Sweetheart", Fannie Mae Darling. This year we will start a new tradition with a coat/sweater and canned food drive for Todd's Corner and Ester's Pantry.

Performances by:

Babypuppysailorsuit
BOLIVIA CARMICHAELS
Matt Insley and his 10 piece house band!!!!
SARAH KING!!!!
"Me & Uke and Everyone We Know"
TOPAZ CRAWFORD!
Bulimianne Rhapsody
David Fletcher
John Renner
RIKKI 'MUTHA FUCKIN" BARNEY!!!!!!!!
Cyrus Fachini
Caedmonster & his feral friend
Nico Bella
Dolly Pops!!
The Drag Mansion
GULA DELGATTO,
... and many more.
Doors open at 9 with live holiday music till 9:30.
After-show dance party with
DJ Huff N' Stuff
Lunch Lady.
SISTERS OF PERPETUAL INDULGENCE
5 dollars
AND YOUR FOOD AND COAT DONATIONS.
http://www.ourhouseofportland.org/programs/

See anything good in the news lately?

Let me start off by saying, WOW!! So if you haven't heard, Portland Rescue mission has "respectively declined" to be part of my 4th Annual Queer Quistmas show at Mississippi Studios on Dec 20th due to them being a "faith-based organization" and being leary of how "it may comes across to some of their donors". When this was told to me and did what any loud gay-rights human should do. I called the press. These actions are completely mideval and will not be tolerated in Portland in 2010. I have decided to not to have anything to do with them for my show and am now working with Ester's Pantry and Todd's Corner to make sure that our coat and Food Drive will be sponsored by organizations that are proud to have a queer event represent them. It's a shame that they can't see that what they did was a clear sign of bigotry. I strongly suggest that all other organizations see the kind of terrible press they have gotten from this and really check themselves before they think of doing anything similar. They will be sought out and I will do everything in my power to make sure they are exposed. This isn't for publicity or fame, this is to fight for equality and to show others that THIS BEHAVIOR WILL NOT BE TOLERATED as long as I am on this planet!

Clear Blue Water

I woke up this morning after a nice long sleep. I can't tell you how amazingly clear headed and focused I am. I've  been doing better at work and feel like I'm making better relationships with the staff. I'm sleeping wonderfully (though my dreams are becoming intensely real again), I'm waking up and only needing a cup of coffee and I then I'm ready to go! I'm feeling more and more productive and not overwhelmed. I registered for classes, paid some bills, ate some great food. Made some extremely positive life choices and changes. I feel more in tuned with my spiritual side and just feel more aware of my actions and how they truly represent me as a person.
This feeling I'm feeling is the feeling I  look forward to ever time I end my self-destructive cycle that I do to myself when I subconsciously destroy perfection. I strive to be perfect so much and I strive to have complete enlightenment, but when I feel that I've been trucking along in the right direction for too long, I crush it and have an all out war with my body and mind and personally relationships. I'm an addict. And when I can't have meth or coke or whiskey, I have to be addicted to feelings and moments. I think it's good I realize this. It is the first step to healing and practicing to live a life without any chains, whether they be drugs or moments in time.

Well, this kinda sucks...

So on a recent visit to the doctor, I have ben informed that I have a serious problem with my throat. Now I'm sure I can come up with a million jokes on why my throat is in danger, but I'm gonna try to take it as serious as possible. It turns out that Fannie has to say goodbye to singing for a while. I'm heartbroken about this and I hope everyone understands that when we don't take care of the gifts given to us, sometimes they can be taken away... just in  second's time. My lifestyle choices have caught up with me and now I must relearn the ways to love and respect all parts of my body! Treat it like the temple it is! I hope this is a wakeup call to not only myself, but others who like to take the lifestyle of a rockstar a little too literal. I love being up on stage and I'll be back, but next time with a vengeance!

Last night at Hamburger Marys!

So this guy and this girl came and sat in my section last night. They looked familar in a"keep your distance they are up to no good" kinda way. Well they order and the food comes out in a reasonable time and when the guy gets it, he proceeds to tell me and the food runner that he has come in 2 times and order the same burger and both times he has gotten another exact burger. He also tells me (while pointing at me) that I need to learn how to be a better server and maybe this wasn't the job for me (while his female monster is giggling and shoveling food into her fat head). I was shocked and knew something had to be up. I mean since I've been at Hamburger Mary's (almost two months) I have made 2 mistakes with ordering and those were on the first day we had a slow opening and no one even knew what the food looked like. So, anyway, I was stewing and pondering over A) where did he look so familiar from and B) why would he do this to me. Then it came to me! This mother fuckin loser is the same mother fuckin loser that I blocked on Adam4Adam because he wouldn't no for an answer after he asked me to come over to his place, fill his hole, and then stay and cuddle. So, he found me and came in for his petty, creepy revenge. YUCK!! Sometimes I hate fellow faggots. I mean seriously. I told my amazing boss Ian about it and he got the cutest  smile on his face. And after I told Ian that this little fucker tipped me .50 cents and snapped at me as he left, Ian said," I'm sure his profile is only worth about .50 cents (snap)".  So if I ever see him again I will be more than happy take those two quarters and firmly place them deep in his eye sockets!  :)

In other news, CHARITY BINGO AT HAMBURGER MARY'S ON TUESDAY WITH FANNIE MAE DARLING AS YOUR HOSTESS! THIS WEEK WE HAVE Q CENTER AS OUR FIRST CHARITY!!!   PRIZES, FUN, GOOD KARMA AND MEEEEEEE!

Back in P-Town

Ok, time to get focused again!!  Positive thoughts and action!!

Today I'm meeting with Juan Garcia to learn how to run the karaoke machine for Fannie-oke!!  Fannie-oke will be going on from 8 until the Miss Thing Pageant on November 19th at Red Cap!! Then from there it will be Mondays! More details to come!!  Also I'm meeting with Jon Camacho to start the details of this years Queer Christmas at Mississippi Studios!!  So excited!!  Good things coming your way!

I'm truly aware!!

I just wanted to say that I'm aware of my withdraw from friends in the social scene. I'm aware of the distance I've had with people whom I've considered close friends. I'm aware that when I go out I never fully have the connections that i could have with people. I'm aware that at times its hard to see who I am beneath cloud of obliteration that I present to you. I know I can be a monster and I know I can be a lover. I'm aware of the distance that my dear friends put on me because they don't know what kind of friend I will be for them today. I'm aware that no one feels they really know who I am because it feels like I'm always putting on a show for someone and acting a part. I know these things. I'm aware.

I'm not going to say I'm sorry because words are useless without actually seeing that they are trying. I'm not admitting anything to you in this blog, but I'm not denying anything either. If you have fun with me then lets continue having fun and trust that I'm fully aware of my actions. I'm not asking for sympathy or help. I'm asking for understanding that I'm trying and evolving and learning about myself more and more everyday. There's a sense of security in rebuilding for me. There is a internal feeling of joy that I have when I destroy everything around me and rebuild it.  I'm not at a rock bottom place with things I've abused in the past and I'm not even in a place where I'm putting my tail between my legs and asking for forgiveness, please don't think that. I'm simply putting myself in check so I can prevent the past from happening again. Everyone is grown and doing their own things in life and I love seeing that and I hope you enjoy seeing my progress too. I'm evolving into something new and I'm about to show you what I have morphed into.  I'm a lover of all and I am I'm still learning to love myself. I am an artist and my muses may be different. I may only be saying to myself and no one else, but in the long run we are our own life changers.
I'm aware.

The cherry on top

So lately I've really gone through a big wake up call again! We all have them (hopefully) and when they happen you replace and re-put all the things in your life that fall by the wayside or possible obstruct the goal of happiness.  I recently made some terrible choices that if not dealt with could really put in a position in life where I'd rather not be in. So I talked to some amazing people about this and have gotten some amazing advice and help to deal with it. But, the best was my conversation with my mother! She may be little (4'11" and 100 pounds) but boy is she a spit fire. I mean, she has me as a kid, so she has to be something similar to a Greek goddess right? So, after the conversation with her I feel more ready than ever to head back from my little Portland break and start being myself again. Starting with how I treat the people I love. The words that kept pouring out of all my life advisors is "LISTEN MORE, TALK LESS!!"  It's not that think that no one else has anything important to say, it's that I feel sometimes that I always have to be the one who has to have the best thing to say. I just need to breathe and realize that personal wisdom is often attained from the wisdom of others.
Love you Mom!!

Washington

So here I am in Washington! After work I got picked up from a friend and I left Portland for a few days. It's much needed. I awoke to sunshine and that was a great way to start. I'm kinda feeling depressed though. Like maybe I shouldn't have left Jesse all alone right after we just split. Then I'm thinking that maybe we shouldn't have split, then I'm thinking I wish I would have gotten so damn drunk the other night and started this awful awful chain of events the frankly I'm too embarrased to even blog about...breathe Fannie, breathe.....So anyway, I'm out of town to collect my thoughts and organize my rather disshuffled life as of now. I think I need therapy. But, then again, don't we all!

Saturday... a day of rain and a day of light

So today is a brand new day for many reasons. First, if any of you actually read this, my boyfriend Jesse and I have decided to call it quits. We've been together for 2 years and in those 2 years have experienced monumental changes in our lives. When we first got together 2 life changing, tragic events happened and in the process of those events we clinged on to each other in a way that was needy and co-dependent. This co-dependency kept going and going, but in different forms of financially, mentally, and physically. Well after our 2 year Anniversary I started really thinking about love and being in love and having that passion that a couple should have. Though I love Jesse so much that I would take a bullet for him, give him all my worldly possesions, and never go very long without speaking to him, passion we did not have. We both need and deserve to have that and I feel we both are able to have that, just not with each other. It's really sad to be in this situation, but I feel so good that we both feel this and both will miss each other so much. He's a sweetheart and will make someone so happy in EVERY way some day. And if someone hurts him, they will feel the wrath of devil upon them! And that devil is Miss Darling!

Peep Show!!

Well, not that I like to bitch BUT I'm going to. So I thought and hoped that I was gonna start Bingo tonight but for some reason "no charity has come forward". Well, the way that I know how to do things is to not sit and wait for people to come forward, but to hound them and make them want to have their charity! I mean come on! So many things are going on in Portland, so it's becoming harder to get people to do things. So push and get them. Fuck! SO anyway, I'm not doing Bingo tonight, but I am doing Peep Show tonight. I'm doing a serious song and I really hope people appreciate it and get it!  Come out and check it out! And fucking tip the performers Portland!!!!

Get it In Writing

So today has been a lazy day. It hasn't stopped raining and I haven't even left my apartment building at all! It feels good. it also gives me lots of personal time to think about the weekend and how I can rethink things that happened. Now,  don't get me wrong. I had a wonderful time and feel like I performed well and handled myself in a way that was funny, friendly, and loving. The one thing I overlooked was to make sure I get properly taken care of financially. Something that has been over looked at on my part has been to think of myself as my own manager. I need to start getting what I need written down in a contract so I make sure my needs are met. I've never had to really take care of that aspect and I suppose things are changing and I need to change with them. If I'm gonna be relying on money by performing, than I need to make sure I do by using a contract!!  Just a little lesson learned!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

So it's finally here!! I love Halloween and everything about it!! I love the scary aspect and I love the ritual aspect and candy and tricks and masks. I like that people are able to wear a mask and be someone else once a year and whatever happens happens. The line between this world and the next world are so very very thin that both are able to pass in and out of each others world freely.  This is the gay Christmas and I get so excited when its here!!  So I'll be putting on my best face, grab a wheelchair, and get pushed around acting like am a paraplegic "special" person and I'm gonna get me some fuckin candy!!

Unpleasant dreams!!!!Fannie

Gloomy Portland day!

I really don't mind the gloomy days every once in a while. They are days that are good for cleaning house, art projects, and smoking herb. SO, that's what I've been doing all day! 

I talked to Chi Chi and Chonga last night at work and boy are they some smart cookies. They really have their shit together and it's really inspiring to have people like them in Portland. Portland has been good to me in a lot of ways (bad too, but you'll have that in any place) and it's nice to see Portland being good to them too. 

Well I'm off to work! If anyone reads this, come in and see me tonight at Hamburger Mary's. I'm there until 2am!!  Have a great night! 

Wednesday Oct 27th

Well, I don't know if anyone is actually reading my posts, but if you are then HELLO!! I'm sitting back at the Red E coffee shop doing all my updating and whatnot on the internet!!

Tonight I work at Hamburger Mary's and that should be a blast. IT's been since I worked at Doug Fir that I actually enjoy going to work. I look forward to it. It may be the excitement of making money, but it's also cause the staff and clientelle is so amazing! What a joy it is to work at a gay and gay friendly owned and operated establishment! I'm honored to be able to work there and also feel like I'm one of the All-Stars!
So this Friday is the big Hamburger Mary's Grand Opening party and I am stoked!!!  Then the next day is the Trannysnatchers fundraiser! Then Tues is Charity Bingo and then Peep Show!  So exciting!! After Tuesday I'll be chillin for a bit to recoupe from the "Gay Christmas" season! Well, until the huge Miss Thing Pageant where Gula and I will be tearing the roof off of the Fez with our rendition of a 90's classic! And before and after  Miss Thing Ill be debuting my Karaoke night called Fannioake on Mondays at Red Cap!!  Just wait, times re gonna be fun and there will be lots of "genderfuk" trannys taking over more and more of Portland!!
Tis the Season
Fannie

This weekend while the Internet was out...

Grrr Fucking Grrr! Ok, so I know that Jesse and I live in an income restricted apartment in NOPO, but for fuck sake, get the Comcast guy out and fix the internet so that I may increase my social networking and my blog!  You know what I mean? Fuck!!

Ok, well as I sit here in the coffee shop, it probably a good thing to get out into the public now and then, I think about some of the great things I've done since my last blog.  Let's see,  I worked at Hamburger Mary's and made some pretty good fucking money!!  Then Jesse and I went and saw Paranormal Activity 2!!  Ooooh, spooky shit!!  On Sunday, I finally finished filming the movie I'm in called Tranysnatchers. This film is going to be amazing. It's a pagan, tranny, horror film. All of my lines were graciously allowed to be improv and that makes me very happy. I seem to work best when I'm working on whatever comes out of my mouth at the time.  It was a nice weekend for sure.

I'm now downloading the Dexter episode I missed!  And I am going to go take a shit!!  Blog more later, maybe!

Rainy Days...

So the rain is here! That's ok though. I really don't mind the rain, except for the fact that when I'm inside keeping dry I end up smoking a crap ton of pot and just eat all fucking day!!  Oh well. Time to do some crunches instead of eating candy necklaces!!

Survey: Most Americans Believe Church Views Contribute to Gay Suicides

Survey: Most Americans Believe Church Views Contribute to Gay Suicides

Sissyboy :: Official Film Trailer

Time Frame

Dancing on my own

Mama Cass Elliot - Different

Clear View

SO today I got a pone call that really helped ease my mind about a lot of troubles. It's remarkable that when a simple thing like a phone call can change the entire course of events. I feel it goes to show that nothing we face is as difficult as we dream it up to be. Maybe that a good thing. Maybe its a gift we have to think of the worse, so that when it happens, we are more uplifted then let down. Maybe this only happens to me, in which I must be some sort of witch that can some how look into the future and see that things aren't so  bad. Maybe I should be burnt at the stake for such an remarkable gift. Maybe I want to be burnt. Maybe it turns me on and makes me kinda horny. Who knows, but maybe I should eat some food to go along with my 2 large cups of Stumptown coffee. Who knows really.... well I do... cause I'm a witch... apparently.


Well, now that we have that out of the way and out in the open, I just want to let you know that I work tonight at Hamburger Mary's on NW 5th Ave, between Couch and Davis! Now I know it's in a part of town where some of you are afraid to go to, but riffraff will only continue when all the good people are pushed out. SOOOO don't let the very very few incidents of riffraff keep you away from your safe haven of Hamburger Mary's. I'm beginning to think people are afraid to come near China Town because they have a bit of racism in their system. Don't be  racist!!  Come to China Town and eat hamburgers from Hamburger Mary's. It's the only way you can prove to me that you are not racist!!   :)

Today is a good day

Today I'm organizing my life. I've been up to no good in some life choices and it's time to knock it out, once again, and focus again on what's important. Thank you universe for giving my strength to overcome the demons that lurk around every corner. Give me strength to overcome again!

It's Autumn

Hello everyone. This is my very first blog for you!  This Fall is full of fun stuff and lots of Fannie Mae Darling!! On the 29th I'll be performing at Hamburger Mary's Grand Opening Party. On the 30th I'm be performing at Mississippi Pizza at 9 pm for the "TrannySnatcher" Fundraiser and showing of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Then on November 2nd, I'll be at Peep Show at Red Cap Garage at 10 pm! Check it out lovilies!